Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
