I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
