the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You need Xanax blowdarts
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
