I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
