I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
