God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
