I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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