Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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