i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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