haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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