I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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