I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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