Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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