dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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