Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
