Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
