Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
you never un-have a 4some
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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