Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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