he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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