I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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