If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
