I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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