She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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