Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
