Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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