i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
