All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
