How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
