Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
