I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
