thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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