once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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