Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I will pee on everything he values.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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