Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
