He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
