"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
