Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
