I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
