I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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