I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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