i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
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