I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you will always have a special place in my vag
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
