I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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