I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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