it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
