Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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