Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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