dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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