I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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