peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
