Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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