why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
