just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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