i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
