What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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