you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
