How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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