we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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