It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Mom said you looked used
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
