You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
