dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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