Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
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Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
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I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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