I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
