We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
